Three Rules for a Lasting Happy Marriage
Three takeaways:
Romantic attraction isn’t shaped solely by social or cultural forces—our instincts play a major role in who we choose. But once a relationship moves beyond the initial “selection” phase and settles into the long arc of midlife and beyond, it’s the choices partners make that become most important. Daily habits, communication, and mutual support all play a powerful role in deepening connection and sustaining the bond over time.
Studies show that long-term couples increasingly prize loyalty and dependability—but that cultivated dynamics play a major role too. A 2020 study of couples married 15+ years found their success came from consistently positive emotional behavior: Humor, enthusiasm, and genuine validation.
Brooks argues that if lifelong union is your goal, one should joyfully approach your relationship’s shared growth– and offers three evidence-based rules for doing so:
- Slap on the Cuffs: This header is sarcastic. Brooks suggests that being intentional about cultivating complete dependability & full loyalty to your partner is far from being “shackled” – it is in fact a freeing and empowering act of love that can guarantee enduring reciprocity, trust, and attachment.
- Stay Positive: Do not bring your negative emotions home from work- it imposes a negative burden on the relationship. Research shows that pairs with strong, long-term bonds rely on positive emotionality, whereas negativity weakens it. Positivity is a choice you must be determined to make.
- Grow in Spirit– Together: Research suggests that prayer and worship with another person can increase the emotional resonance of the practice, and deepen a couple’s overall trust. For nonreligious couples, some research shows an increase in closeness when practicing certain kinds of meditation with each other.
Long-term partnership isn’t easy to do well. But by staying aware of each other’s growth and evolving needs, you and your partner can do a lot to tilt the odds toward a lifelong romance.
From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.
Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.