Resist the Snark and Be Happy: The Power of Politeness
Four takeaways:
Brooks argues that our growing reliance on technology has contributed to a societal decline in courtesy, making people ruder both online and offline. And while it may seem like a natural progression amid a tech-ified world, he suggests that this erosion of politeness is not trivial, but harmful to our own happiness and mental health.
While we cannot reverse the cultural trend at large, each of us can—and should—choose to restore politeness in our own behavior. Politeness isn’t just about good manners—it shows up in our behavior, our actions, and even how we choose to not act.
Social scientists group politeness into four forms:
- Etiquette – Governs basic manners and speech.
- Conduct – Involves actions such as holding a door for someone to pass.
- Positive Politeness – Doing courteous things for others.
- Negative Politeness – Refraining from discourtesy.
In short, Brooks argues, being polite is an act of self-help. It especially helps you to be happy when communicating via modern technologies. Since we can’t quit the internet or web-based communications, the key is to consciously choose courtesy through three simple rules of conduct.
Make courtesy a habit, even when other humans are not involved: Brooks’ learned from his late father that courtesy was about care for others but also about maintaining dignity within yourself. Consciously & intentionally practicing politeness everywhere– online, offline, and even with AI– maintains that personal dignity.
Renounce snark, whether you’re witnessing it or using it yourself: Sarcasm and mockery may feel clever in the moment, but they erode well-being over time when they become the go to emotional response. Snark & cheap attacks are everywhere online and can be hard to avoid, but making an effort to do so can help you maintain peace of mind.
Respond to rudeness not with rudeness, but with courtesy: Retaliation may be tempting, but it never leads to growth or happiness. In fact, responding to rudeness with an increased sense of courtesy will actually strengthen your sense of wellbeing and help you avoid the regret of saying something unwise.
Brooks argues that in an increasingly tech-reliant—and therefore increasingly rude—world, cultivating personal politeness is a disruptive and empowering way to make the world better. Practicing it with intention not only improves the lives of others but also enhances your own well-being.
From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
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