How to Stop Being So Judgy
Three takeaways:
We are naturally predisposed to judgment. Sometimes we don’t even realize that we do it. Research shows that upon seeing a new face on the street, our brains can decide whether that person is attractive or trustworthy within one-tenth of a second.
However, it can be healthy to push back on that impulse. Unrestricted judgment of others can reduce your overall empathy, make you less receptive to new perspectives and leave you more prone to reactive responses. Research suggests that the more you judge, the worse you feel.
So how can you curb the inclination to judge?
- Notice when you’re judging: To avoid the natural inclination towards judgment, we must be vigilant & intentional about slowing down and catching ourselves. Ask yourself: “why does this matter to me? Is this judgment about the other person, or is it based on how I feel about myself?”
- Explore your reaction: Negative judgment of others is a way of self-reassurance. Our judgments mask feelings like envy, which can compel us to bring a person down, or be too harsh to them privately. Understanding this, and taking stock of your judgments, can reveal the parts of us we are most ashamed of– which is the first step in addressing those shortcomings or overcoming those feelings of self-condemnation.
- Swap judgment for curiosity and empathy: When you’re tempted to judge others, pause and choose curiosity and empathy instead. By asking what someone might be going through, you create space for compassion—and recognize the complexity in others and in yourself.
When you stop judging others, you begin the process of appreciating and understanding– and are able to move through the world in a more productive, empathetic, and joyful way.
From Jancee Dunn for The New York Times:
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