MAP Strategic Wealth Advisors

Takeaways:

A 2018 survey found that over half of U.S. adults felt that “no one knows them well.” If this feels familiar, you might be experiencing what we can call Poe syndrome, in which your inattention to others is causing the feeling of isolation.

Feeling known and understood by others has been shown to double one’s joy in life and relationships, triggering pleasure centers in the brain. Feeling misunderstood and alone has been shown to trigger pain centers in the brain.

Research has also revealed an asymmetry in our perception of relationships: we like being known far more than we like knowing others. This is a pivotal disconnect, because relationships require reciprocity.

This can make Poe Syndrome a vicious cycle. It has been proven that loneliness can lead to self-centeredness. In other words, if no one knows you well and you are thus lonely, you may become more self-focused and less interested in others, making it much less likely for others to want to get to know you well.

So, we must make a concerted effort to be an “Illuminators” – someone who is actively curious about and intently engaged with others– rather than a “Diminisher,” whose interests rest solely on themselves.

In getting to know others, deep listening is imperative. This requires being present and mindful when engaging with others. Ask follow up questions and respond to them with sensitivity & thoughtfulness.

Knowing how much we value the feeling of being known and understood should show us the incredible value of instilling that feeling in others.

To be truly perfect would cost you a chance to improve- and that would make for a boring, purposeless life!

From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.

Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.

Takeaways:

The human voice is the most useful sound on earth. Thus, it benefits us to leverage the power of our voices. Making our speech more effective is a buildable skill.

To start, founder and speaker Julian Treasure presents the 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking– the common mistakes that makes blocks effective communication. These sins are:

1. Gossip: Longterm, gossiping hinders relationships and affects others’ trust of you.
2. Judging: To make someone feel evaluated or criticized will hinder effective, transparent communication.
3. Negativity: People do not want to engage with those who are dominated by negative thoughts.
4. Complaining: Complaints push conversation down a negative, unproductive road. Positivity is productive.
5. Excuses: An effective speaker will look to take responsibility, not run from it. To do so is unappealing and diminishes trust.
6. Embroidery/Exaggeration: Excessive exaggeration or embellishment creates the appearance of dishonesty and small mindedness.
7. Dogmatism: Opinion is not fact. Aggressively imposing personal beliefs makes it difficult to engage in meaningful dialogue.

Instead, Treasure presents the H.A.I.L. framework for powerful and impactful speech, based on these principals: honesty, authenticity, integrity, and love.

Treasure then urges us to increase connection and clarity when we speak by focusing on these qualities in our vocalization:

1. Register: The pitch level of your voice, with lower registers often conveying power and authority.
2. Timbre: The quality or texture of your voice, with warm, smooth tones being more appealing and trainable.
3. Prosody: The melody or rhythm in speech that adds meaning, avoiding monotony and excessive questioning intonations.
4. Pace: The speed at which you speak, using varying speeds and pauses, including silence, to emphasize points and engage the audience.

As you build these qualities in your speech, your influence will grow and your trajectory will improve.

By Julian Treasure, for The Singju Post
Read the whole story.

Seven takeaways:

Chronic lateness can often be attributed to several factors. Outside of ADHD, there there are a handful of personality types more likely than others to be late, From the perfectionist, who might lose track of time fussing over their appearance to “the dreamer” who doesn’t pay enough attention to detail, to “the crisis-maker” who needs an adrenaline rush to motivate them to get a move on.

So how do we overcome our chronic lateness? Here are a handful of different strategies from various experts:

1. Figure out exactly how long it will take to get somewhere, then build in extra time: All too often, we assume we know how long it takes to get to a given place- but these assumptions commonly fail to factor in transition activities like parking, walking from the car, or other unforeseen roadblocks.
2. Surround yourself with clocks: Whether on the wall or on your wrist, keeping clocks nearby (not just your phone) can help you stay mindful of the passage of time.
3. Set lots of alarms: Frequent reminders can keep you from losing track of time. Set one alarm for when you need to start getting ready and another for when you need to leave the house– then a third for just a few minutes before your appointment begins.
4. Create artificial deadlines: Procrastinators often fall into the “crisis-maker” personality type- the ones that require the thrill of a tight deadline to take action. So move your deadlines up. If you have to leave at 7, impose a deadline to do so at 6:30pm.
5. Don’t start an enjoyable-or important-activity before a pressing event: “Put the brakes on” your leisurely or pressing activities well before an intended departure time. Otherwise, you risk losing track of time and getting lost in your engrossing activity.
6. Plan what you’ll do if you’re early: Look for opportunities to spend time in an enjoyable way if you arrive early. See if any fascinating stops, or a useful errand, can be made in the area of other tasks.
7. Envision how you’ll feel if you’re late: Often, fear of repercussion or embarrassment can animate us to be on time. The consequences of lateness are real, and we can use our innate desire to avoid negative results to be on time.

By Angela Haupt for The Washington Post
Read the whole story.

Note: At the time of this posting The Washington Post requires an account to view the article.

Takeaways:

The world presents a seemingly endless barrage of demands on your time & bandwidth, making the ability to harness our attention “the most important skill of the century” according to attention expert and author Nir Eyal.

To build this skill, we must understand difference between habit and routine. We must adapt the habit of harnessing & protecting our own attention. Eyal notes that a HABIT is defined as “the impulse to do a behavior with little or no conscious thought.”

ROUTINE, however, is a series of frequently repeated behaviors. Not all routines become habits. In fact, only 45% of daily behaviors are habits– and the path to turning a routine into a habit can be riddled with self-defeat and frustration.

It’s important to note that, by Eyal’s definition, many actions cannot become habits. Writers are often told to “write every day” to improve and guarantee output. But Eyal believes that since writing requires such intensive conscious effort it can never- by definition- become something performed by reflex. It can only be intentionally made part of one’s routine. But many actions that help us better ourselves and improve our lives can be.

So how to we make certain routines into habits? It is not easy, but it can be done. First, set intentions. Be clear with yourself about the habit you want to build and start by sticking to it as a conscious routine.

Expect the road to making the routine a reflexive habit to be difficult. Be ready for the discomfort and frustration and do not let it shake your resolve. The best way to do so is to show yourself compassion when you hit a roadblock.
As you try to build the habit of maintaining attention, consciously separate yourself from your phone. Turn off your notifications or “pings” on your computer. Make isolation routine.

Never try to bypass or rush “the routine phase” in forming a habit. Without putting in the conscious repetition, an action will never embed itself into your process and never become a reflexive habit.

By Natasha Piñon, for CNBC
Read the whole story.