How to Deal with Disappointment
Takeaways:
It is natural to fear disappointment, and to look at it as something to be defeated when it does rear its ugly head. It can make us feel powerless, which we are naturally inclined to find massively unpleasant.
Psychologists relate the phenomenon of “disconfirmed expectancies,” with disappointment, a term used to describe the difference between what you think will or should happen and what actually happens. Disconfirmed expectancies can trigger neuromodulator dopamine, which governs both rewards and the anticipation of rewards in our brains. If we anticipate rewards that we do not get, we become disappointed.
Optimists, in particular, tend to experience greater feelings of disappointment because they expect above-average outcomes. A 2010 Emotion study found that while naturally optimistic students reported feeling no better than any other students prior to an exam, they tended to feel worse afterward since their expectations were further from reality.
Though disappointment is unavoidable in life, Brooks argues that it would be a mistake to go through our days expecting the worst. The key, he says, is to convert your optimism to hope. Hope “does not require that you make any prediction at all about what might happen. It simply asks that you believe that whatever happens, you will have the ability to make circumstances better and you can give some thought to what that action might be.”
So: as you set your sights on what you want in life, be mindful of your expectations. If you’re hoping for a big promotion, avoid predicting the outcome. Instead, acknowledge your desire for the reward and focus on the practical steps you can take if you don’t get it.
From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
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