MAP Strategic Wealth Advisors

Takeaways:

We are in a “National happiness funk.” Why? Brooks believes that it has to do with our self-control, citing studies that show low self-control is directly correlated with lower well-being.

Brooks argues that culture today encourages us to relax our sense of self-control to get happier, leading to an unfortunate result that makes us unhappier as individuals, and therefore as a country.

Brooks notes three common influences pushing us to suspend self-control: excess alcohol consumption, anonymity online (which can encourage antisocial and corrosive behavior), and the addictive ability of social media to make one feel more powerful/important than they are.

The notion that self-control creates happiness is not new. Benjamin Franklin said, “Educate your children to self-control, to the habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their future and crimes from society.”

While the suppression of immediate desires may seem contrived or inauthentic, greater self control should actually be viewed as the most authentic thing you can do– and in fact, creates an authentically better version of ourselves.

From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.

Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.

Four takeaways:

It is natural to react negatively to criticism, especially when it feels like “destructive” feedback rather than “constructive” commentary clearly meant to help you. But to allow your emotional response to criticism to overshadow the opportunity for improvement it offers is both unproductive and detrimental.

The only way to flourish amid negative criticism, and despite it, is to adopt new habits of both getting and giving it. Here are some research backed tactics for doing just that:

1. It’s not personal (even when it’s personal): When criticized, we often jump to consider it a judgment on our inherent abilities, rather than on our performance. Remember to assess criticism at face value, looking at it as separate from a direct statement on your worth. “Depersonalize” it. View feedback objectively and analytically, focusing on the content rather than taking it as a personal attack.
2. Treat criticism like insider information: By depersonalizing criticism, you can see it as a valuable insight into how others view your performance and an opportunity to improve. This turns the opinion of others into key learnings. When you empower others to criticize your performance, it becomes less painful when they do, leading to rapid improvement and a reduced fear of critics.
3. Make criticism a gift, never a weapon: This is a reminder about giving criticism well. In criticizing another, remember the gift/weapon rule: “If I am criticizing to help, I am doing it right; if I am doing it to harm, I am doing it wrong.” Criticize with the care of the recipient in mind; be respectful in delivery; be conscious of your own good intentions; provide a pathway to improvement; and targeting of the recipient’s needs appropriately.
4. “Praise in public, criticize in private”: This is a quote from legendary coach Vince Lombardi, whose instincts were correct: A 2014 study found that publicly given positive feedback was 9% more motivating for students, whereas privately given negative feedback was 11% more motivating than when given publicly.

With these practical tips on board, we hope you can embrace the power of both giving and receiving negative feedback. A healthy relationship to criticism will foster improvement and, over time, enhance your wellbeing.

From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.

Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.

Four takeaways:

Accepting that you are not perfect– and that no one else is either– is key to opening yourself to the possibility of improving yourself and your life.

Research shows that humans have a tendency to overrate their own qualities and abilities in relation to others. We tend to think we’re better drivers than most everyone else, for instance. This is called “Self-enhancement bias,” and while it can make us feel secure in our abilities/traits– it is not a path to longterm growth or happiness.

For instance, a Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study showed that when college students held an inflated view of their own academic ability, it enhanced their mood and positive affect—that is, they enjoyed happier feelings. But the illusion of superiority did not translate into better academic performance overall.

We face a dilemma: while we aim to uplift ourselves and others, self-enhancement offers only a fleeting relief with potentially lasting negative effects. Here are four healthier and more accurate things to tell ourselves and others:

1. You’re not perfect, but you’re normal: Imperfection is normal, and admitting it to yourself is healthy. If you never felt sad or inadequate, that would be pretty good evidence that something is wrong with you.
2. Accept yourself: Treat yourself with compassion; acknowledge your shortcomings without judgement. This makes them easier to start improving upon.
3. Work to improve: To acknowledge that “I am flawed in this way right now” is not to say “I will always have this flaw.” Self-acceptance is the basis of the pursuit of improvement.
4. Resist blaming others: Research shows that people with poor emotional self-regulation often blame others for their shortcomings. While this delusion may temporarily alleviate negative feelings, scholars advise that taking responsibility for one’s decisions is a more effective long-term strategy for managing negative emotion.

To be truly perfect would cost you a chance to improve- and that would make for a boring, purposeless life!

From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.

Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.