MAP Strategic Wealth Advisors

1. Competitiveness between spouses is a common cause of marital strife, but it can be overcome with the intentional adoption of a unified mentality as a couple over an “I” mentality as an individual within a partnership.
2. Couples who view themselves as a component of a unique couple identity in which neither partner’s individual identity is dominant—tend to be better at coping with conflict. If the overarching view of the dynamic is unified, the divisiveness that arises in competitive feelings are more easily overcome.
3. Since feelings of competitiveness are never going to be erased completely, a key tactic is to change just what kind of competition you allow yourself to pursue. If you take on competition as a couple, and include your partner in your goals, the effect on a relationship can be positive.
4. Feelings of competitiveness are a prisoner’s dilemma. In a relationship driven by competition, both parties prioritize their self-interests, leading to mutual dissatisfaction and less-than-desirable outcomes. Conversely, when each partner makes individual sacrifices for the benefit of the relationship, both parties reap greater rewards.
5. Three clear tactics couples can take to overcome feelings of competitiveness are:
   • More We, Less Me: To prioritize your partnership, make “we” the default pronoun when communicating with your partner and others. This can help reshape your attitude through the “As-If Principle,” allowing you to act as a team and make joint decisions for the benefit of both partners.
   • Put Money on Your Team: Pooling finances in a relationship can improve happiness and relationship longevity, even if partners have different spending habits, due to practical spending habits that emerge when resources are combined.
   • Treat your Fights Like Exercise: An argument can be stressful, but it can be channeled productively when viewed as an opportunity to solve a problem collaboratively, which strengthens the relationship.

1. Humans have a tendency to put too much weight on the projected opinions of others. Roman Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius observed almost 2,000 years ago, “We all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion more than our own.” This rings true for friends, coworkers, and enemies alike. How do we overcome it?
2. Evolution explains why we weigh the opinions of others so intensely: throughout human history, our survival has depended on being accepted members of close-knit clans and tribes. There was a time when being cast out of a group meant death from cold or starvation. We are wired to seek validation and belonging from those around us.
3. Brooks offers three tactics for overcoming the intense anxiety tied to the opinions of others. The first is to never forget the “No One Cares!” meaning, that study after study shows that we overestimate how much people dwell on us in any way. People are probably not thinking about you.
4. The second tactic: Rebel Against Your Shame. Assess the quality that you might be worried about being judged for and embrace it. Shrug it off; accept it as a part of what makes you who you are. Intentionally doing this can serve as a good reminder that the opinions of others are mostly fictional and almost always unproductive.
5. Last, Stop Judging Others. As Brooks notes, the Buddha said, “Whoever judges others digs a pit for themselves.” To judge someone else is to implicitly put stock in the power of external judgement. Overcoming your own impulse to judge someone will numb the pain of the supposed judgement of others.

1. Studies suggest workaholism is strongly linked with anxiety and depression, and while it’s commonly believed that compulsive work can cause these issues, some psychologists suggest that it could be the reverse: People may use work as a means to cope with their depression and anxiety.
2. This could explain why so many people actually increased their work hours during the pandemic. Amid new anxieties and unknowns, work offered comfort and structure.
3. Studies have shown that while extreme work hours may benefit one’s career, they can also lead to self-medication tactics, including new addictions to alcohol or drugs – a secondary addiction to temper the negative effects of the primary work addiction.
4. Some tactics one can take to combat creeping workaholism are: auditing one’s time to get a full portrait of how it is being spent, intentionally scheduling downtime, and making sure that downtime is filled with active and intentional activities rather than passive ones like scrolling social media or binging television.
5. Confronting a work addiction will lead you to confront the life issues that you may be trying, subconsciously or consciously, to avoid.

This article combines the advice of The Atlantic’s David Brooks and Arthur C. Brooks to form a list of tactics for reengaging with our work– which can often present a daunting and emotionally-taxing challenge. These seven tactics are:

1. Attach Work to Ideals – While the repetition and apparent drudgery of work may rightfully wear on you, you can inject meaning into your work by actively pursuing a loftier goal in your work. Remember what your work is building towards over time.
2. Recognize Meaningful Moments– Get in touch with the processes that go into your job; the rituals or small moments that ground you in your work. For Brooks, this means the moment when he is on the ground, crawling across a floor sprawled with notecards and research. It is hard work, but it is a moment that cannot be replicated outside of your own process.
3. Serve others (Or Don’t) – People who view their jobs through a lens of service tend to have higher levels of enjoyment at work. Stop and think about the people your work helps, or the systems that it enables to function.
4. Ask Why You do What You Do – The article notes that the pursuit of money, power, pleasure, or fame are often deeply unsatisfying and can lead to unhappiness. Reconnect with the deeper value of your skills and growth.
5. Follow Fear – When looking at your future, ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t afraid. Then ask yourself what pains you would be willing to endure to gain stability in doing that thing. This will clarify your true desires for workplace happiness.
6. Be Conscious of Life Stages – Arthur Brooks notes that differences in the “cadence of careers” have consequences for people’s happiness, and that people who end up happy tend to make their big discoveries in their 20s and 30s, do their best expositional work in their 40s and 50s, and then become teachers and mentors in their 60s and beyond.
7. Don’t Invest Everything in Work – Arthur Brooks notes that the happiest people do not invest all of their time/energy in work. They keep a balanced life portfolio between the transcendental/spiritual, your family, your community, and your work. Keep them balanced in order to maintain happiness.