Why It’s Nice to Know You
Takeaways:
A 2018 survey found that over half of U.S. adults felt that “no one knows them well.” If this feels familiar, you might be experiencing what we can call Poe syndrome, in which your inattention to others is causing the feeling of isolation.
Feeling known and understood by others has been shown to double one’s joy in life and relationships, triggering pleasure centers in the brain. Feeling misunderstood and alone has been shown to trigger pain centers in the brain.
Research has also revealed an asymmetry in our perception of relationships: we like being known far more than we like knowing others. This is a pivotal disconnect, because relationships require reciprocity.
This can make Poe Syndrome a vicious cycle. It has been proven that loneliness can lead to self-centeredness. In other words, if no one knows you well and you are thus lonely, you may become more self-focused and less interested in others, making it much less likely for others to want to get to know you well.
So, we must make a concerted effort to be an “Illuminators” – someone who is actively curious about and intently engaged with others– rather than a “Diminisher,” whose interests rest solely on themselves.
In getting to know others, deep listening is imperative. This requires being present and mindful when engaging with others. Ask follow up questions and respond to them with sensitivity & thoughtfulness.
Knowing how much we value the feeling of being known and understood should show us the incredible value of instilling that feeling in others.
To be truly perfect would cost you a chance to improve- and that would make for a boring, purposeless life!
From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
Read the whole story.
Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.