MAP Strategic Wealth Advisors

Three takeaways:

Even if someone asks you for it, giving advice can often be a counterproductive act. But it doesn’t have to be that way– and being great at giving advice can help you maximize the happiness and effectiveness of those around you.

Author and advice expert Michael Stanyay society falsely teaches us that giving advice is a sign of success, and that leaders in particular must prove their value by liberally dispersing it. While we might have good intentions, we often rush to give advice that serves our ego more than it does the person receiving it. A 2018 study found that giving advice helped participants overcome a lack of motivation or confidence more than receiving advice did.

When giving advice in the modern workplace, there are some important things to remember to make your advice the most effective while ensuring that it does not offend the person receiving it:

1. Remember that no one has all the answers anymore: As technology transforms the workplace and required skills become more diverse, it is unrealistic for leaders to have all the answers. Know when a question goes outside of your expertise, and find those with specialized skills in the workplace who can be counted on to help with area-specific questions.
2. Know the difference between advice vs. coaching: instead of offering advice, become a coach: help others devise their own solutions by asking them leading questions. This may be slightly more time consuming, but it can boost motivation and help people develop their problem-solving skills.
3. Be conscious of your framing: To avoid offending the person receiving your advice, frame it in a way that allows them to ignore it without losing face. Adding a qualifier like, “These ideas worked for me, but they may not work for you. I’ll just throw them on the table and if there’s something useful – great. If not, that’s fine as well” can help assuage any potential ego hit to the recipient, and therefore make it easier for them to implement your advice.

Giving better advice will help you build trust and credibility in the workplace, positioning you as a valuable resource for colleagues– while offering the added benefit of better overall decision making and productivity among your colleagues.

By Jessica Mudditt, for The BBC
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Takeaways:

A 2018 survey found that over half of U.S. adults felt that “no one knows them well.” If this feels familiar, you might be experiencing what we can call Poe syndrome, in which your inattention to others is causing the feeling of isolation.

Feeling known and understood by others has been shown to double one’s joy in life and relationships, triggering pleasure centers in the brain. Feeling misunderstood and alone has been shown to trigger pain centers in the brain.

Research has also revealed an asymmetry in our perception of relationships: we like being known far more than we like knowing others. This is a pivotal disconnect, because relationships require reciprocity.

This can make Poe Syndrome a vicious cycle. It has been proven that loneliness can lead to self-centeredness. In other words, if no one knows you well and you are thus lonely, you may become more self-focused and less interested in others, making it much less likely for others to want to get to know you well.

So, we must make a concerted effort to be an “Illuminators” – someone who is actively curious about and intently engaged with others– rather than a “Diminisher,” whose interests rest solely on themselves.

In getting to know others, deep listening is imperative. This requires being present and mindful when engaging with others. Ask follow up questions and respond to them with sensitivity & thoughtfulness.

Knowing how much we value the feeling of being known and understood should show us the incredible value of instilling that feeling in others.

To be truly perfect would cost you a chance to improve- and that would make for a boring, purposeless life!

From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
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Note: At the time of this posting The Atlantic offers five free article views per month.

Takeaways:

The human voice is the most useful sound on earth. Thus, it benefits us to leverage the power of our voices. Making our speech more effective is a buildable skill.

To start, founder and speaker Julian Treasure presents the 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking– the common mistakes that makes blocks effective communication. These sins are:

1. Gossip: Longterm, gossiping hinders relationships and affects others’ trust of you.
2. Judging: To make someone feel evaluated or criticized will hinder effective, transparent communication.
3. Negativity: People do not want to engage with those who are dominated by negative thoughts.
4. Complaining: Complaints push conversation down a negative, unproductive road. Positivity is productive.
5. Excuses: An effective speaker will look to take responsibility, not run from it. To do so is unappealing and diminishes trust.
6. Embroidery/Exaggeration: Excessive exaggeration or embellishment creates the appearance of dishonesty and small mindedness.
7. Dogmatism: Opinion is not fact. Aggressively imposing personal beliefs makes it difficult to engage in meaningful dialogue.

Instead, Treasure presents the H.A.I.L. framework for powerful and impactful speech, based on these principals: honesty, authenticity, integrity, and love.

Treasure then urges us to increase connection and clarity when we speak by focusing on these qualities in our vocalization:

1. Register: The pitch level of your voice, with lower registers often conveying power and authority.
2. Timbre: The quality or texture of your voice, with warm, smooth tones being more appealing and trainable.
3. Prosody: The melody or rhythm in speech that adds meaning, avoiding monotony and excessive questioning intonations.
4. Pace: The speed at which you speak, using varying speeds and pauses, including silence, to emphasize points and engage the audience.

As you build these qualities in your speech, your influence will grow and your trajectory will improve.

By Julian Treasure, for The Singju Post
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