How to Take– and Give– Criticism Well
Four takeaways:
It is natural to react negatively to criticism, especially when it feels like “destructive” feedback rather than “constructive” commentary clearly meant to help you. But to allow your emotional response to criticism to overshadow the opportunity for improvement it offers is both unproductive and detrimental.
The only way to flourish amid negative criticism, and despite it, is to adopt new habits of both getting and giving it. Here are some research backed tactics for doing just that:
- It’s not personal (even when it’s personal): When criticized, we often jump to consider it a judgment on our inherent abilities, rather than on our performance. Remember to assess criticism at face value, looking at it as separate from a direct statement on your worth. “Depersonalize” it. View feedback objectively and analytically, focusing on the content rather than taking it as a personal attack.
- Treat criticism like insider information: By depersonalizing criticism, you can see it as a valuable insight into how others view your performance and an opportunity to improve. This turns the opinion of others into key learnings. When you empower others to criticize your performance, it becomes less painful when they do, leading to rapid improvement and a reduced fear of critics.
- Make criticism a gift, never a weapon: This is a reminder about giving criticism well. In criticizing another, remember the gift/weapon rule: “If I am criticizing to help, I am doing it right; if I am doing it to harm, I am doing it wrong.” Criticize with the care of the recipient in mind; be respectful in delivery; be conscious of your own good intentions; provide a pathway to improvement; and targeting of the recipient’s needs appropriately.
- “Praise in public, criticize in private”: This is a quote from legendary coach Vince Lombardi, whose instincts were correct: A 2014 study found that publicly given positive feedback was 9% more motivating for students, whereas privately given negative feedback was 11% more motivating than when given publicly.
With these practical tips on board, we hope you can embrace the power of both giving and receiving negative feedback. A healthy relationship to criticism will foster improvement and, over time, enhance your wellbeing.
From Arthur C. Brooks at The Atlantic:
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